I realized just the other day as I once again sat in the big office chair upstairs which I have been sitting in for weeks now, doing work on the computer, that I used to be able to see a whole lot more of the upholstery beside my legs than I used to, and I mean, a lot. This bit of reality hit me hard, sobered my not so little self up to the fact that if the course doesn’t change, in no time at all, I wouldn’t even be able to get in that nice comfy oversized chair at all. This was no good, a wake up, and a motivation for something to change. I realized the horrible truth. I had contracted a full blown case of the dreaded, “Computer Butt”.
In order to reverse this growing trend, and since getting exercise has been difficult with still if-y broken ribs, going on a diet came mind but what kind to do was the question. I was certainly not remotely interested in finding my mug, or my rear, on the internet with the Wal-Mart lovelies I have seen posted there. The gauntlet had been tossed and it was game on.
I have always depended on the usual chores of my life in farm world to avoid catching this spreading problem. Usually my life, and body, is in constant motion, picking up this, or pushing that, and usually heavy things. I walk all over the place, usually ride or work three to four horses, and then lead and feed the rest, fix fences, cut grass, etc etc etc. I ride bikes through the countryside. I tend to keep, busy. This perpetual activity tend to help keep the little bulges from happening in places where one doesn’t think they are so pretty.
Occasionally though, activity levels have not been enough and I have dallied with diets and the temporary use of a change in eating styles such as using the Atkins plan or some program like that. The problem with diets though is that they are basically boring and usually just don’t work on my efficiently slow metabolism. Then, one day, totally out of the blue, I actually created the perfect diet, and it is one that is still my personal favorite. It is the not very well known diet, the Margaret’s Magical Ice Cream Diet.
It began one night when we were enjoying some of the cold stuff, (ice cream, not martinis this time) after dinner with a friend, and the remark was made that my serving, a generous mound, was likely to bring about change in the global climate. Having to quickly defend my having served myself so much, (who can choose between several flavors , so all were sampled), and I started thinking about it, fast. It came to me in a flash and it was brilliant, so I explained it to my accusatory friend as he ate his own share of a not very diminutive portion of ice cream, my plan and, my new diet.
A body functions by its metabolic rate running the show and keeping your core a nice toasty ninety something degrees. There is a base line speed at which it burns fuel/fat in which to maintain this comfort zone and give energy to us in the process. A person trying to lose weight usually does it by restricting calorie intake, and/or they try to trick the body into speeding this process up to burn fat faster by exercise, or by eating certain foods that help, like green tea and such.
So it occurred to me in this flash of genius, that ice cream could absolutely do this and it would be a win win situation. By eating vast amounts of very cold food ones’ metabolic rate would have no choice but to pick up tempo to keep you from freezing and would burn untold numbers of calories. What better food group than ice cream? It would be a diet that everyone could do and stick with and feel good doing it.
To further rationalize, it occurred to me that not only would it speed up sluggish metabolisms, it is chocked full of good things for you. Ice cream is made with milk to give you calcium and protein, and eggs to give you vitamins, omega acids, and also protein too. How bad could that be for you? The fact about it having sugar was a small point and was easily overpowered by the fact that if you feel happy, your endorphins are high and the body stores less fat. It was a no brainer of a diet plan that once tried, proved to have a few very minor flaws and, sadly had to be abandoned. So it was on to the next ones.
There have been a few other efforts used through the years in the battle of the bulge with varying successes, but this next one sounded very interesting, almost rivaling my Ice Cream Diet .... we were watching one of my favorite shows on the tv, “House”. True to form in the plot, the unsolvable for Dr House in one of his diagnosis', required a risky forced awaking of a patient from a vegetative state to get the answer to a clue. The guy had been in this state of dormancy for ten years, but by giving the comatose fellow a good wallop of adrenalin, I think, Sleeping Beauty began to awake.
Anyway as the poor guy wakes up he immediately cries out that he is hungry and wants a steak, now. He takes off the hospital gown he has worn for a decade and begins to dress himself. When he goes to hitch his belt he finds that it is too large and has to be pulled tight to latch. The guy laughs and says to the doctor “Ah, the old Coma Diet”.
He had obviously been on a highly effective weight lose program while asleep, painless, with no guilt or cheating. Perhaps not as user friendly as my proposed Ice Cream diet, but in the story at least, it had worked. Think about instead of paying uber dollars to go to a spa to lose weight, you simply check into a hospital and they put you into a coma and limit your food intake until you reach your goal weight. Voila, you are thin. I strongly suggest that further research is needed on this program. I think it has possibilities.
Mean while as for my current state of Computer Butt-itis, I remain undecided on the diet plan of choice and so have begun none of them, but I am mindful of them. What I have done is finally gotten back on my bicycle after months off, and have been reminded of the pleasure that exercise can give, especially on a bike.
The rib thing has caused me no worse pain on the bike than sitting in a chair, and if I crashed I figured that most likely I would break a collar bone or something else, so what the heck. It has been marvelous to feel oxygen back again in my lungs and sluggish blood moving around my system, and fresh air hitting my face. There still is the childhood joy every time I get on and push the peddles and start to roll.
So diet sm-iet. I will continue to eat and, I will continue to ride, and with any luck and perseverance I will not be a Wal-mart pin up any time soon...